Overwhelmed

In my Bible reading today I was impacted by Mark 14. As I reflected and meditated on that text, four things overwhelmed me.

At the Last Supper Jesus announces that one of the twelve will betray him. It was an opportunity for Judas to repent but he didn’t. I don’t understand that. He was caught. Jesus was looking right at him and yet he wouldn’t admit it, he wouldn’t take responsibility for his sin. However I do understand, at least to a certain extent, how Jesus must have felt.

I have been betrayed by men who have sat at the table with me, shared in ministry with me, broke bread with me, pledged faithfulness to the same cause and called themselves colleagues and friends. I too have looked them in the eye, given them time to take responsibility, only to see them try to hide in plain sight. I know the pain of betrayed trust.

Jesus’ anguish in the Garden of Gethsemane hit me harder today than at other times and I identified with his pain. He felt the pain of betrayal and then felt the pain of seeing complacency and apathy in his closest followers. He felt the longing to be removed from a terrible and unjust situation. He felt the desire to be freed from a literal dead end ministry. He felt the pain of seeing people choose sin over salvation.

When he was arrested, tried, illegally and unjustly convicted, Jesus felt the unwarranted blows of angry men. He felt their spit run down his face. He suffered their vicious verbal tirades, all with no justifiable reason.

Why was there so much anger against someone who posed no threat to anything but the corrupt characters of the religious leaders? Why was there a sinful plot and contrived conviction for someone whose only interest was to do good and make people better? What is it within man that breaks out so violently when sin is exposed?

Peter’s thrice repeated denial while watching Jesus from a distance is a pathetic sight. But how much am I like Peter? How many times have I wilfully chosen to deny Jesus in favour of serving and gratifying myself?

I feel the pain of both Jesus and Peter, a bizarre mix of righteousness and rebellion. It causes me to question, who I am that God would even care to rescue me. But he does.